Life just sucks, I finally admit it.
Optimism was a friend I lost, and 23rd December 2012 whispers in the dark confines of my mind.
I feel like giving up.
Have I lost the race, or just a victim of circumstance?
Looks like I'm knockin' on heavens door...

Fucking sick of the way things are now.
Fucking broke, and it's only the end of the second week of my new found freedom.
Just blew another $30 in one day (sif it's alot) and struggling to think of how to survive the rest of the month with $70.
I mean like seriously, who gets $200 a month?!
I'm not a very homey person. I get bored to tears if I even have to stay home for just 2 days.
Being out just feels good. Think it's because home really sucks due to god damn motherfucking overprotective parents, not that it's a bad thing, but you can't shower a flower with a constant flow of tender loving care and water non-stop cause that's just gonna kill it.
I can't understand this logic - Mum would rather (in the past) provide me money to play WoW than (now) give me extra allowance to go out and socialize more frequently. To begin with, Mum and Dad are the old-fashioned traditional parents of 'study-hard-don't-go-out-stay-at-home-save-money' mindset.
Sad to say, my parents are rather uneducated to a certain extent. First of all they have poor social skills which, in turn, reflects on the children by not being good examples and we become introverted. I can safely say my mum never really had any friends and is a worry-wart who has no aim in life but to raise these 3 pathetic children of hers. All that is expected from us is study hard, get a secure job and repay their effort in bringing us up. I know this sounds very much from SOMEWHERE (James knows it), but apparently after enlightening myself, it just makes so much sense that such expectations make no sense in the world we live in anymore. I feel that my parents have failed in bringing us up, for they themselves have never been very successful be it financially or socially and since there neither factors will ever be taught in schools, we as children can only learn to live in this ever-changing society through society itself.
The only consolation prize is that my mum has taught me many values which shapes whatever my character is now. Unfortunately I don't really talk to my dad. He just brings money home, puts dinner on the table and pay for our education. In fact, it's really hard to talk to him cause he has conjured the perfect formula for disaster, ego + ignorance = arrogance
At the end of the day, I have an elder brother whom, at the age of 24 this year, locks himself in his little world of video games everyday and bears the same big arrogance of my father, myself whom I am in no position to judge myself, and a younger brother who has been greatly influenced by my direction of music and is apparently mature enough to tell what is pretty lame (like some 20 year old's who can crack more pathetic jokes than a 12 year old) from genuine and sincere people for his age. Dad was a store and logistics man in his NS days. Mum slaved her youth away to provide for her poor family. I WILL NOT BE LIKE THEM.
There's nothing more I can count on my parents to provide me. I know may sound like an ungrateful brat and you can also rebut by saying there are others worse off than me, but I only believe we are either poor, or middle class, and we're definitely not poor nor uneducated. I am envious of others who maintain a large pool of acquaintances with their cousins, people close to their parents, or even their condominium manager.
This whole entry might make me sound really pathetic, but this is just my life in a summary. And I'm sick of it.
After some reading, I understood that freedom was merely a carrot on a stick and that if you get caught in that situation, you might just find yourself waking up the next day chasing the same carrot as yesterday.
.
.
.
.
Mum sometimes tells me she too was young once and that she understands how a youth feels. I am sorry but this is the 20th century, the world has changed while you were busy working for the government, dramatically. In the world you think you still live in, studying was the only way out.
Well, I hope you will live to see the day that I prove you wrong.

My hearts just gone all cold and emotionless...is it a good or bad thing?
.
.
.
.
Argh well, I think I didn't do very well for the final exams of poly and all but....HECK, IT'S OVER!!!!
Relished our final moments in dear NP Makan Place and unfortunately, had a horrible lunch from the Japanese Food -_- lol and not to mention the epic prank of humongous proportions on Jinghan over the zap lighter - "nah give you this...thank you thank yo- ARGH!"
HAHAHAHAHAHA
Chilled out with the buddies at Bugis, had steamboat and stuff, walked around Illuma (...the heck do I spell it?!?!)
Mixed emotions ran through me as we soon departed for home...a long run of tireless education has finally been called to a halt. Yet the days were so much fun doing all sorts of hilarious stuff to each other, even though we were never really a very united class to begin with.
And suddenly, it's all over.
And a new phase of life beckons...
Well, there's still graduation night! =)

FUCK I'm so fucking pissed.....
So I was reaching home in like 6 stops on bus 143 from Orchard and suddenly spotted a dubious creature lurking on a window pillar....AN AEDES MOSQUITO!
I swear it was. Full of blood it had sucked from the passengers (hope not mine...) and the trademark white strips.
Shit, not carrying any tissue. So I rummaged through my bag in search of some sort of "weapon" to kill the damn pest. Just before reaching my stop, I tore out a piece of paper preparing to smack it. When I looked up, IT WAS FUCKING GONE? And it had been stationary there for like the past 10 minutes, just when its impending doom was approaching, just VANISHED.
FUCK....
Why the hard luck seriously....curse that damn thing...
If it finds its way out alive, that's another few dozen more Aedes mosquito's on the loose man...
.
.
.
.
And what the fuck, CMPB letter came and said I am Pes D?!
Reason: Long Spine X-Ray
What the fuck, really.
I'm mentally prepared for a pes E now...

Hi girls I would like to introduce my brother - 24 yo/M 5 ft 6" (170cm) finished serving NS and studying degree in school of business in SIM. Plays computer games like DotA in his spare time and < 1 year working experience. Character traits are arrogant, snobbish, egoistic and shallow-minded.
Any interested parties?....
.
.
.
.
(Hope you get the sarcasm)

Some people are soft-spoken, some are loud. Some are well mannered, and most of all I despise ill-mannered hooligans.
I seriously have nothing against people who pay no attention to lectures and all, but if you wish to prepare yourself for the worst, don't bring others down with you. Every Tuesdays and Thursdays, come to lectures, sit somewhere at the back of the class, not have a book with you to open, but either open your laptops or your mouths.
If you have no idea what it's like to be annoyed by your kind, go watch The Annoying Orange on Youtube (the fruits maybe rather disturbing though lol)

That should have given you a rough idea to be in the same lecture as these people.
You make lots of unnecessary noise, annoy the lecturer and still have the cheek to ask, or should I say BEG, the lecturer for leniency during over tests and attendance. It's like poking a hibernating bear until it wakes up and expect it not to maul you to shreds.
Oh yea, attendance reminds me of one of the most inspiring speeches of 2010 (it's only the first month, I know I'm exaggerating lol).
Last Thursday over another boring o'l routine AR lecture, volume was rising (as always) thanks to some people (as usual... =X) and poor Mr Tan Jui Kiang finally got really pissed and gathered the "rightest" of the right words to shoot at those morons (I couldn't really remember the exact words so this was from Mingde's blog)
"What do you guys come school for? To talk? People come school to study and you guys only come here to play. If you want a diploma then work hard for it, so you come this class just to sign attendance? Are you guys so shallow?"
WOOOO fucking hit the 50 point mark on the dart board Mr Tan!
I swear that was totally awe-inspiring la! That was huge smack in their faces man!
But I bet their thick skins are so impenetrable and numbs skulls so void of life that they didn't think of that directed at them.
It's OK if they didn't get it, cause we all know that no matter what they will maintain their sub-human and low life behavior for the next few decades of their lives while the rest of us are busy doing in the least useful or productive things.
Yea FF#2 you can go on and dream about driving expensive cars, and yes his dream is solely about driving cars. You can be a taxi driver though, that would fulfill half your dream, the expensive part comes later, or heck it may never even come, lol.
Anyway, this has also made me think of some people I know personally (as in people I ACTUALLY know). You are in your final year of pursuing a diploma and a new phase of life awaits you. I kinda understand the feeling of neglecting school work and just wanting to play and enjoy life, I had to live with that feeling through my Secondary 4 education and the result? Another year in Sec 4. But we're not 16 anymore, we're TWENTY YEARS OLD ++ and it is seriously time to stop fooling around and start looking into the future, or the near future at the very least. I admit I myself am not excelling in my studies and not doing really well either but sort of as a friend or acquaintance at least, and at the same time reminding myself, CHIONG already la!

Suddenly had the urge to put some thoughts down. Haven't been blogging cause life since school reopened has been nothing short of monotonous.
Blew 30 bucks on Monday night and got hounded by parents once again. Something is terribly wrong with their mindset. I can't even spend 2 hours out with my friends with a peace of mind, constantly nervously anticipating a shotgun through a phone call from home.
Wow some uber lame Taiwanese drama show on Channel 8 my mums watching... -_- side-tracking a little....
On a happier note, things have started out rather smoothly this year. Got a rather better than expected score for WLT common test and achieved silver for NAPFA test in one shot, which means 8 weeks BMT (:
Seriously WTF @ 17 weeks BMT. Serve and fuck off really. While most people say BMT is the most enjoyable period of NS, why choose to suffer a longer time when you can end it all earlier and relax earlier. After all you aren't competing with anyone for authority unlike the working life. Who gives a fuck about rank. Like most NS men say, they rather get paid less for se'nang tasks. Get paid more and risk your life, not worth it.
Been pondering post-NS stuff too. Diploma only. Surely will study SIM for degree, and your life ends there. It's going to be a working adults life. Work, go home chill, sleep and the vicious cycle continues. If your unlucky, get yourself married with children and there's really no turning back. Story ends there, period.
Why is it so hard to keep up with the standard of living in Singapore... buy your own apartment, ferocious competition in the working environment, probably getting your own car for transports sake. Most of your friends will most likely be going their own ways too, not much chance or even time to meet up and have fun. How unpredictable and uncertain the future is... guess that's just the way things work around here if you don't have a scholarship.

It's quite sad that some parents don't shower much love and attention on their children. Some tend to become wayward, others are envious at those who have very close relationships with parents. Yet most of them 'grow up' faster and are more independent. They learn that they have to solve their problems on their own, they learn through mistakes and they know what risks to take.

What happens when you take a cup and try to fill it with more than what it can hold? It overflows. Same thing happens when you fill a child with too much care, it simply doesn't work. All the excess love you give will simply fall to the ground like rainwater on a pavement. Unconditional. A pet dog will never know how to find its own food on the streets, simple logic.

Keep pampering a kid, it will grow up ignorant. It's easy to control a child when it is young and ignorant. Give it enough money for today and eat its fill, or whatever that little money allows. Saving is never in the dictionary. When it comes of the age to grow more wild, what it has is never enough. It wants more, and it takes more. Once it's out of control, there is no stopping it. In the end, both parties suffer.

Why go through so much trouble to bring up a child and try to groom it into something perfect when it can never be, and just end up keep getting disappointed. You can't choose the path for someone forever, an animal may follow you for now, but one day it will just break free and go its own way. You can teach a person to behave in socially acceptable manners, but you can't decide for him/her to be the way you want. Every human being is a victim of circumstances. What one becomes may not necessarily be what one likes to be, but there wasn't any choice. Even when you have a choice, all it takes is just a moment of folly to take you down a different path that you can never turn back from.

To learn from one's mistakes is a stressful and tiring process, yet it is a must to do so eventually. It is not something that happens overnight. A smoker doesn't quit smoking all of a sudden just because his/her parents say so. Sometimes, you cannot take all matters into your own hands. Hammering on a stone won't break it, but letting water fall upon it over time will eventually shape it. Bind a birds wings and it will never learn to fly. A frog in a well will never see the world.

It's just like how a plant grows - if you put it in a box with light shining through a hole at the side, it will grow sidewards. All it takes is to remove the box and give it some freedom, some fresh air, and it will grow straight once more.

'tis a really sad week

For some people, things just ain't going right for them.

Sometimes I think of me having to take the driving test 4 times before passing a pretty screwed up thing to happen. But when one has to go through countless checkups throughout the year and each time getting disappointed hearing from the doctor that you have not fully recovered from the accident, there are many setbacks that you just have to close one eye about and get on with life.

I think my life is rather blessed and smooth sailing save the fact that I only had to waste one year retaking the 'O' Levels and scraping all my exams in poly education. 20 years, nothing serious has ever happened to me, never broke a bone or dislocated a joint, and no one close to me going to heaven prematurely. Right now, I'm just 1 year behind most people in poly and about to get a diploma.

Can't imagine what it's like to be physically immobile for a whole damn year and counting, at the same time praying that I will never have to experience what that is like. Sometimes, you've just gotta take it easy, do what you have to do, don't do what you should NOT be doing (you know what I'm talking about) and pray your next visit to the doctor will be the happiest day of your life.

Today's futsal polympics proves something.
You can give your 101%, but others will give their 202%.
Cheers to our one point in the group stage, Team Seven (:
I really really respect my elder brother for the fact that his team came in 1st among 30 teams in his futsal tournament in his SP days. Where are all the quick feet Malays and the witty Indians?
Really respect....
See la, smoke smoke smoke, now stamina cmi play 10 minutes also tired. Ok la but seriously cannot help it also. What makes a team a team is teamwork and chemistry and the ravenous hunger to win. It takes years of playing and learning together before there can be a team that plays to win. Not that we did not play to win, we just have not played together enough. How are 3 Thursdays of team spirit going to compare to that of 3 years right.
We push our bodies so hard to keep up with the pace of the game that half the team ended with minor injuries and aching leg muscles. Watch the first 2 teams play also people scared already.
Oh still got drama one. Last few matches got fight sia, Malay and Chinese. Fight awhile continue playing, play finish go behind fight. Crazy fkers, want to play soccer also so guai lan.
The bottom line is, for a team or a solo kia to be good, it takes years to 'nian qi gong'. No such thing as becoming 'tian xia wu di' overnight.
.
.
.
.
There was this hot babe probably from business school wearing a black tight business attire supporting her boyfriend. Fortunate guy uh.

Think I hit a nerve there.
*Sniggers*

Woooo Laughter House!!!!

Dialogue in the Dark today....Hmm....
Personally I wasn't exactly wow'ed by the content of this tour apart from the exciting comments (but not spoilers) from some others who have been through it before.
Alas, of course the whole point of it was for us to experience what it was like to be blind and making your way around in absolute darkness, but the content wasn't very colorful per se. In the sense that adventure was lacking.
Our tour guide (partially blind) led us through a jungle-like area first, then finding a statue of Sir Stamford Raffles with his name imprinted on the stand of the statue. Just a replica, so yea.
Then we sat on a....boat? According to him, it was a REAL boat, and it was floating on water. Well yea there really WAS water underneath cause I found the bottom of the "sea bed" with my white cane and there was water dripping off the cane when I retrieved it.
Guess what's cool!? We sailed out of the Singapore River! Yea well, lame.
Reached Chinatown. I was quite sure the car we found in there was a Ford though. Oval shaped car brand logo?
The Chinatown market was pretty cool though.
We first came upon a road with a traffic light. Of course we aren't supposed to see the colors even if there really was cause we're supposed to be 'blind'. There was even the button to press on the traffic light! And there was even that sound for pedestrian crossing, that rapidly repetitive one. Well of course, since we're blind and need to know when we can cross right like duh *rolls eyes*.
After we crossed the road we reached the market, and wow, there was REAL food along the streets. Fruits, apples, potatoes and stuff. It even had smell.
After the car we found someones house, like those corridor HDB like Crayon Choo got those metal corridor side windows and grilled doors.
Finally reached a cafe. There was a bar counter there where we were served drinks. Got music some more. And no, the drinks are not free, it's $1 a packet. Yes, PACKET DRINKS FOR $1.
Sat down talk cock sing song awhile and we were out in the light like finally! Some dude came to debrief us, talked some shit, then balek already.
Not say a waste of time but what I was anticipating the most was that we might get to actually SEE stuff in that horrible maze but nah. They said: Nah, pass. LOL kidding.
That was about all, if there might be any NP student out there who comes across this spoiler and expecting to tour it for WISP in the near future too bad la.
.
.
.
.
Oh by the way, this tour is NOT fking free for anyone else not part of WISP classes.
If your feeling kay poh you can visit http://www.dialogue-in-the-dark.com/
Can check out the prices, other such tours around the world blah blah blah.
And if your still feeling bored you can check this out:

Do watch all 3 episiodes, but proceed with caution Charlieeeeeeeeeeeeeee LOL!!!!

Went to watch Paranormal Activity with oli gary brandon and rain.
One word to describe it: DISTURBING
Ok but that's not the point.
Do you remember the VISA advertisement?
In Japan without a Yen? In Vietnam without a Dong?

Yea and that guy dancing with his VISA card looks JUST like someone.
And that someone lives in the west and is one of my links HAHAHA!
Can you guess who!?

Just remembered something.
Was at oli's place with cy in the afternoon when he showed us some youtube clips boasting the power of some cars, namely the Lancer Evo, WRX STI Impreza, and a Nissan GTR one to entertain cy.

Some people in the world are so filthy rich, supercars are just some toys for them to play around with like how we played Hot Wheels toy cars in our childhood.
It's damn sickening to see how these people toy around with their cars like little kids, yet orgasmic just to see and hear a Lamborghini Murchielago LP-640 roar down the streets for a measly 2 seconds, then that's it, entertainments over.
Many people debate the R8's rights to be in the league of supercars, but with the new 5.2 litre V10 FSI engine it boosts the this German supermodel up to 525 HP, and best of all, corners tight bends like a beast on it's 4WD, leaving little room for the argument. I'd go to jail for a lifetime just to drive in one of these for a day (that is if 2012 is indeed the end lol).
Off to bed, meeting Gary to whack the gym at oli's condo in the morning.
Just to share some good stuff (and pardon the alien language in the video).
Enjoy, the allure of the Audi!

What's the stupidest thing you've ever blurted from your mouth?
Mine was while ordering a drink:
"Uh......烧的 ice milo."

Simon Cowell said: "Your full, of indulgent, nonsense."

Oh, I was just reading someones blog, and that reminded me to say something Ive always wanted to.
Blogging about "I did this and I did that today" make the best sleeping pills....
....like ever, period.

charmaine
cheeyong
mingde
oliver

Tagboard

archives