Fucking sick of the way things are now.
Fucking broke, and it's only the end of the second week of my new found freedom.
Just blew another $30 in one day (sif it's alot) and struggling to think of how to survive the rest of the month with $70.
I mean like seriously, who gets $200 a month?!
I'm not a very homey person. I get bored to tears if I even have to stay home for just 2 days.
Being out just feels good. Think it's because home really sucks due to god damn motherfucking overprotective parents, not that it's a bad thing, but you can't shower a flower with a constant flow of tender loving care and water non-stop cause that's just gonna kill it.
I can't understand this logic - Mum would rather (in the past) provide me money to play WoW than (now) give me extra allowance to go out and socialize more frequently. To begin with, Mum and Dad are the old-fashioned traditional parents of 'study-hard-don't-go-out-stay-at-home-save-money' mindset.
Sad to say, my parents are rather uneducated to a certain extent. First of all they have poor social skills which, in turn, reflects on the children by not being good examples and we become introverted. I can safely say my mum never really had any friends and is a worry-wart who has no aim in life but to raise these 3 pathetic children of hers. All that is expected from us is study hard, get a secure job and repay their effort in bringing us up. I know this sounds very much from SOMEWHERE (James knows it), but apparently after enlightening myself, it just makes so much sense that such expectations make no sense in the world we live in anymore. I feel that my parents have failed in bringing us up, for they themselves have never been very successful be it financially or socially and since there neither factors will ever be taught in schools, we as children can only learn to live in this ever-changing society through society itself.
The only consolation prize is that my mum has taught me many values which shapes whatever my character is now. Unfortunately I don't really talk to my dad. He just brings money home, puts dinner on the table and pay for our education. In fact, it's really hard to talk to him cause he has conjured the perfect formula for disaster, ego + ignorance = arrogance
At the end of the day, I have an elder brother whom, at the age of 24 this year, locks himself in his little world of video games everyday and bears the same big arrogance of my father, myself whom I am in no position to judge myself, and a younger brother who has been greatly influenced by my direction of music and is apparently mature enough to tell what is pretty lame (like some 20 year old's who can crack more pathetic jokes than a 12 year old) from genuine and sincere people for his age. Dad was a store and logistics man in his NS days. Mum slaved her youth away to provide for her poor family. I WILL NOT BE LIKE THEM.
There's nothing more I can count on my parents to provide me. I know may sound like an ungrateful brat and you can also rebut by saying there are others worse off than me, but I only believe we are either poor, or middle class, and we're definitely not poor nor uneducated. I am envious of others who maintain a large pool of acquaintances with their cousins, people close to their parents, or even their condominium manager.
This whole entry might make me sound really pathetic, but this is just my life in a summary. And I'm sick of it.
After some reading, I understood that freedom was merely a carrot on a stick and that if you get caught in that situation, you might just find yourself waking up the next day chasing the same carrot as yesterday.
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.
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Mum sometimes tells me she too was young once and that she understands how a youth feels. I am sorry but this is the 20th century, the world has changed while you were busy working for the government, dramatically. In the world you think you still live in, studying was the only way out.
Well, I hope you will live to see the day that I prove you wrong.
